I read an old journal the other day, one that ended just before I broke my neck. It was interesting to read about what I had on my mind at the time. There were a bunch of frustrated thoughts about girls, thoughts about college, descriptions of some partying, guilt for not studying, guilt for not being an active church member; they were my invincible days. Anyway, I have had a lot of heavy thoughts on my mind so I thought it might be a good time to write.
It is Memorial Day weekend of 2008 and we are spending the weekend in St. George with Ale's parents and friends Elsa and Bettie. Today was frustrating for me because everyone wants to go out and do everything and I feel like I am the one that forces everyone else to be at the quadriplegic-level for entertainment. I really just wanted to stay at the house and enjoy everything there, but no, we all have to go and do something. So I agree knowing exactly what is going to happen before we leave hoping that maybe I am wrong and we can get lucky and there will actually be an accessible hike or something. Well, I wasn't wrong and frankly it was really lame to sit in the car for nearly two hours waiting for everyone to go on a hike while I sat there and waited. Luckily I took my iPod with some pod casts loaded. This is pretty common, I am being some kind of disabling non-believer if I don't want to go, and then I sit in the car and wait instead at least having the freedom to move about the house. I really need to be more firm and just say no from now on and stop trying to be nice and/or please everyone else.
The preferable way is to let (tell) the people go and come back to say, "It was prefect for you", and then go wherever they went next time rather than wait in the car ... waiting in the car drives me a little nuts and it takes time for me to cool down my frustration level after it happens. It feels inconsiderate when I say "go ahead" and then I sit there for almost two hours when I thought I was agreeing to wait for 30 minutes (which was stated). Time is important to me. I did my best to stay mellow but I let it ruin most of my day.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Rick, this blog might be the most significant for us to remember. One of my early memories of your quadriplegia and your ability to cope was how clearly you were able to tell us what you needed from us when we were all part of helping with your daily needs. It was critical. Now that you are so independent, the same thing should hold true. You have been and continue to be a significant inspiration to me. Whenever I feel down, or if I feel like my burdens at work are too big to bear, I am able to adjust my perspective and see what is important when I look at you and see how you view life. I read your blog some time ago and am happy to see you have taken it up again. I have pondered doing the same myself, but my thoughts and profession are very dark. I am not yet sure how to put them on paper in such a way that they could/should be shared. Ju
Ju, I do my best to communicate, although i am still learning, especially at work. I have a bad habit of telling the unwanted truth, even to higher ups. has not usually been beneficial even though it felt good at the time, LOL.
Post a Comment