Arts and Crafts

I have found that painting and other crafts are a good way to relax and recharge. I discovered this in rehab 18 years ago shortly after I had broken my neck at C6. Our recreational therapist provided paint supplies and a bunch of adaptive equipment to help us newly injured folks take ourselves on a new journey. The first picture I produced was a large yellow and orange sun with a little green and blue earth in front of it. It was latex on Masonite/wood. I remember I loved the vivid colors and the colorful potential that lay before me in the pools of paint. The picture itself wasn't anything to brag about but I really enjoyed working on it and I had found a fun new hobby to explore. If I were to try to apply some kind of metaphor to my sun and earth painting it had something to do with significance.

After I went home from the hospital I went out and bought a bunch of painting supplies as well as a desk with an attachable light. My second painting was a skier carving a turn down a hill of powder that was from a magazine cover. I remember painting the sky and the mountain section on the first day and loving how it turned out. I literally put the painting in my bedroom to look at while I was in bed to enjoy and think about how I would bring the rest of it alive.

In the following days I pushed myself to try to draw the skier. The sky was a good start but really only required large sweeping motions with a brush. The skier would require a lot more detailed lines and shapes and with my arms and hands recently becoming severely paralyzed I had to think about drawing in a new and different way. I had to use different muscles and assistive devices to attach pencils and brushes to my hand. As I swept my arm in various motions I discovered new ways to draw shapes and lines. I drew and painted the skier the best I could and all things considered, it turned out great. It was still pretty remedial in terms of art but that was not at all the point. The point was I loved it. I loved it so much that I would totally lose track of time as I got lost in the colors, the drawing, and my imagination.

I had my wife dig it up ...

I later learned that there is a technique that is taught that has the student look at and draw things in unfamiliar ways, which was exactly what I had to do by necessity. The book that teaches how is called, "Drawing on the right side of the brain". The idea is not to look at and identify the object you are drawing as what it is called, look only at the lines, the colors, the color transitions, and reproduce those. I recommend the book to anyone who is interested.

Since the skier I have painted several other paintings, taken art classes, done some chalk drawings, and have immensely enjoyed arts and crafts. As I look back in my past I have always loved playing with colors. I remember making a discovery in our family basement when I was probably about 4 as I played with my collection of plastic colored nuts and bolts. I remember identifying which colors I liked together. Red and blue was my favorite combo while I was a little disappointed with the yellow and red combination, the blue and the orange, and so on (what a fun thing to remember, I have always remembered this little discovery but I don't think I have ever told the story). Too bad it took me so long to rediscover that I like mixing and comparing colors. Arts and crafts are a great way to explore one's imagination.

Freedom

I recently started a new job. I left my old job primarily because I had lost faith in the leadership and I didn't sense there was adequate growth potential without going and working on a project that I am not at all interested in working on.

My new job is a more senior position even though my previous job was a "senior" position as well. The thing that I love the most about my job, so far, is the freedom I have. There isn't anyone standing in my way except me, myself, and I. There is something huge about this for me, no excuses other than my own incompetence, which somehow challenges me more.

The other thing that motivates me about my new position is the relevancy of my success. The project I am in charge of designing has a very large and important end goal. It is also very challenging and many are speculating we will not succeed. So part of my challenge is to manage expectations while keeping a positive outlook. The "mojo" of a project is everything I have learned.

My old boss was excellent at managing the higher-ups; the one that just left the project; the one who actually sought after me to hire me. I am certainly going to miss him. He has been a friend and leader for me to learn from for many years, but, it adds to my freedom level to some extent. He is really the only other person I currently know who I feel like can add value to what we are doing, but at the end of the day I was hired to figure out the solution. With him gone I will design and create this new system primarily. How fun!

Freedom is even bigger for me than I would have anticipated even 1 year ago. Strap on your seat belt, we are going for a ride and I'm driving. The appropriate question is, "Do the police know you [I] are driving?". More on that one later ...

Sitting and waiting ... nice?

I read an old journal the other day, one that ended just before I broke my neck. It was interesting to read about what I had on my mind at the time. There were a bunch of frustrated thoughts about girls, thoughts about college, descriptions of some partying, guilt for not studying, guilt for not being an active church member; they were my invincible days. Anyway, I have had a lot of heavy thoughts on my mind so I thought it might be a good time to write.

It is Memorial Day weekend of 2008 and we are spending the weekend in St. George with Ale's parents and friends Elsa and Bettie. Today was frustrating for me because everyone wants to go out and do everything and I feel like I am the one that forces everyone else to be at the quadriplegic-level for entertainment. I really just wanted to stay at the house and enjoy everything there, but no, we all have to go and do something. So I agree knowing exactly what is going to happen before we leave hoping that maybe I am wrong and we can get lucky and there will actually be an accessible hike or something. Well, I wasn't wrong and frankly it was really lame to sit in the car for nearly two hours waiting for everyone to go on a hike while I sat there and waited. Luckily I took my iPod with some pod casts loaded. This is pretty common, I am being some kind of disabling non-believer if I don't want to go, and then I sit in the car and wait instead at least having the freedom to move about the house. I really need to be more firm and just say no from now on and stop trying to be nice and/or please everyone else.

The preferable way is to let (tell) the people go and come back to say, "It was prefect for you", and then go wherever they went next time rather than wait in the car ... waiting in the car drives me a little nuts and it takes time for me to cool down my frustration level after it happens. It feels inconsiderate when I say "go ahead" and then I sit there for almost two hours when I thought I was agreeing to wait for 30 minutes (which was stated). Time is important to me. I did my best to stay mellow but I let it ruin most of my day.